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Sketches on Love and Abuse

by Emilija L. Ducks

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1.
I'm going down the rabbit hole I thought you'd pull me out I never saw it coming that you're a c*nt You said I had a gentle touch I got it from my mom I don't think you've the courage to stand it raw Oh, my--- love >2 Oh, probably I’ll end up alone It’s not that bad a luck It’s always been clear to me that I am a fuck up And as to what’s happened to us You may say it’s a shame If I were at least objective, I’d say no one’s to blame But I blame you x2 I blame you I blame you so much I hope you die strapped to the tracks
2.
You are the hero I hope one day to be Oh, me You hold my hand, have never let me go Oh, no Oh, I’ll greet you at the door, like a dog, Sam I will greet you at the door like a dog, Sam Tell me a story, let me watch you rant about Ah, right Smile with your teeth, hug me close, break my bones, I won’t fret I’m your pet Oh I’ll greet you at the door, like a dog, Sam I will greet you at the door like a dog, Sam And you, you love me too x 2 Hold me, you’ve learned to be bread, I’ve learned to be fed Ah yes Don’t get upset hold your lips to mine, hush Lover, let It set I will greet you at the door like a dog, Sam And you, you love me too x2 Cross your heart and hope to die, cross your heart and hope to die, you love me too x2
3.
My nightmares are just dreams But you don’t notice when I fumble and grind my teeth You only notice when I get out of bed and you move to my side Hoping to hold me You leave for work kiss me goodbye My brain’s a foggy mess, I try to write a four-chord song And then the latch pops off Unending amount of pain rips me the hell out Chorus: Gimme all the luck, all of the tasteless pastel dines And the empty smelling cartridges splattered down with lies Not success Just not success Gimme all the pain, tell me I dragged you Through the darnedest places All my crying’s giving you a headache Don’t give me success Don’t give me success I’ll take it, I’ll turn it into heartache And feel alone again
4.
I’ll be better but they’re okay even now Damir in the principal’s office, blue from tears Indirectly blaming for not shaking hands With the boy who will beat me afterwards Come on be still Come on get friendly Don’t twitch when lovers kiss you Don’t wake covered in sweat I’ll be better but you’re okay now You’re okay now, and I wish you were dead I saw you in a pic the other day A girl close by seemed tame, no doubt the grooming you gave her Grit my teeth but be okay now, breathe okay now It began Come on, sit still Come on, you like this You walked into his room, honey Too late to regret, now I’ll be better but they sleep sound now They eat well now They have friends Better, but they're ok now x 12 (Come on sit still, come on sit still, like that, sit still, like that, good girl Come on be a good toy, come on …)

about

A short album produced in home environment of love, trauma and abuse

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released September 20, 2020

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Ducks North Macedonia

Ducks (31), born in Macedonia, is a non-binary musician and writer, active in both fields simultaneously since adolescence.
They write a lot, get fixated, and are actually thrilled at the prospect of having their face eaten by cats as no one thought to find their body, because it means they get their own place, and get to have cats.
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